


The Nightmares That Haunt Me

by hiddlestoner21



Category: Loki - Fandom, Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-14
Updated: 2013-10-19
Packaged: 2017-12-26 13:45:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/966630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hiddlestoner21/pseuds/hiddlestoner21
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tom lost his wife Milagros to a murderer and has to take care of his son Jacob all by himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic ever! Hope you like it :)

Things have been rough since my wife died. It has been a year now and it is still hard to cope with the fact that she’s gone. My wife Milagros died at the hands of a serial killer, he kidnapped her and after raping her several times, he killed her. At least that is what the police had told me, for they never knew for sure. Her body wasn't exactly found but that that was what the detectives had speculated had happened. That's the reason why her grave was rather spiritual than her actually being buried there which made it all even worse. I hadn't been able to see her one last time before saying goodbye for ever. I loved her so very much and it was our seven year anniversary the day I got the news, they had found her blood everywhere but no body. The amount of blood that had been found meant that there was no way she was alive since almost all of her blood was at the scene. I was completely devastated. I was left alone to take care of my son, who would grow up without a normal family. I don’t think I could fall in love again, what I felt for Milagros was something unique that I will never feel again with anyone else.

Little Jacob looked just like her, big, green eyes, that smile that lit up my world whenever I saw it. He even had the same playful personality. Now, every time I looked at him all I saw was her. Jacob was too young at six, to understand the circumstances of what had happened and the easiest way was to tell him that she had gone to live up in the sky with the angels where she could watch us.

All of our friends and family were very supportive, volunteering to babysit Jacob while I had to work. At first I didn’t want to work for a while so I could properly raise my child, but I was convinced by my dear friend Chris that maybe working for a while would help ease my mind. I was currently working in the sequel to the Muppets, which was something that maybe Jacob might enjoy watching when it’s done. My first priority was to make him as happy as possible no matter what I had to do. Today, I had to go film for the majority of the day and Chris was babysitting him.

“Uncle Thor!” Jacob squealed when Chris walked through the door. Jacob had taken to calling him Uncle Thor after he saw the movies.

“Hey there, buddy! How’s my favorite nephew?” Chris picked him up and put him on his shoulders. Jacob quickly grabbed his thumbs as Chris held them up to him and pretended to ‘drive’ him around and make him do things as if he was a robot. It was a little game that Chris came up with and it always served to cheer Jacob up. Chris smiled at me as I patted his back and smiled back. “Hello brother!”

“I’m happy, you’re here,” Jacob giggled. Ah, that sound I loved to hear so, very much.

I walked further into the house with them as I collected my keys, phone, and wallet.

Chris turned to me and said as he Jacob held his thick thumbs, “Don’t worry, we promise not to wreck the house too much.”

I threw my head back with a laugh and rolled my eyes at them. “Behave Jacob, I’ll see you tomorrow morning as I expect you, Chris, as the very responsible adult that you are, to make sure he’s in bed by 8:30.”

Chris nodded, rolling his eyes and Jacob waved at me saying, “Bye daddy, I love you. Promise I’ll be good.”

“Love you, too. Bye son,” I said waving as I walked out and closed the front door behind me. I walked towards my car, a frown already forming on my face. I hated every time I had to leave him to someone

else’s care, it made me feel as though I was never there for him. I promised myself that after filming the Muppets I would take a long break from doing movies so I could take care of him better. I also wanted Jacob to start going to school, some people might say it’s a bad idea because of my rising fame, but Jacob was only six and kids that age didn’t really care much about that.

I drove towards the set which was about half an hour away humming to music on the radio. ‘It’s Time’ by Imagine Dragons was playing, I had recently discovered their music and found it quite enjoyable. Tapping to the rhythm of the song I drove into the parking lot of the set and parked my car next to Christoph Waltz’ car. I sighed as I pulled the keys out of the ignition and opened the door. I placed the keys in my pocket and walked towards the studio. I put my ‘happy mask’ on that I usually used to cover the sadness that sometimes took over me, one of the advantages of being an actor was that I was able to pull it off easily. Only close friends and family were able to see through that mask and right through me without difficulty.

Shot after shot, the day went by slowly. At my lunch break I called Chris to see how they were doing which he responded by saying everything was alright and that I should stop worrying so much or I would have white hair by the time I was 35. Unfortunately for me, a scene had to be filmed all over again due to a mistake by the costume department and the whole process of filming was now delayed, meaning I would get home even later at night.

By the time I got home it was 10:30 as I had also picked up dinner at an Italian restaurant for Chris and myself. As I walked in I could hear the Avengers’ theme song coming from the living room. I went to the kitchen and set down the carry out containers on the counter, then made my way to the living room where the TV displayed the main menu for the Avengers DVD. I looked around and saw Chris sprawled out on the couch snoring rather loudly and Jacob wrapped up in his favorite blanket sleeping soundly on the smaller couch. I shook my head with a chuckle and picked up Jacob careful not to wake him up and carried him to his room. I tucked him in, kissed his forehead and murmured a sweet, “Goodnight.”

I walked back to the living room only to see Chris sitting up and yawning widely. He rubbed his eyes and noticed my presence when I went over to the couch and sat down. I laughed softly and said, “Responsible adult, huh?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry, he gave me that puppy eyes look, just like the one you do, and begged to let him watch the Avengers. I couldn’t resist.”

“It’s fine, Chris, don’t worry about it. I see you’re pretty tired and you must be starving. Luckily, I brought some food.” I stood up and walked to the kitchen, Chris following right behind me as he sniffed the air in an attempt to guess the type of food. We had a little game that whenever one of us bought food, the other had to guess what type it was. If the other was correct they wouldn’t have to pay for any of it, if the other was wrong they had to pay for it.

“Hmm… Italian?”

“Damn it, you’re getting good at this,” I cursed as I took out two plates, glasses, knives and forks.

He chuckled while he served the food on each of our plates and I got some lemonade from the fridge.

“Not my fault, you’re so predictable.”

I rolled my eyes and sat on the bar stool across from Chris and started eating. “And you’re an arse.”

Chris broke a piece off of the garlic bread he was eating and threw a piece at my face. I raised an eyebrow just as another piece hit me in the nose.

“Don’t start this, you know how bad this ended last time,” I warned.

He laughed and flicked some pasta my way, which landed right on my white shirt. “Oh, it’s on, Hemsworth.”

“Come at me, Hiddleston.”

I grinned my Loki grin as I picked up some calzone on my fork and threw it at him. The piece of calzone hit him square on the face and I burst into a fit of laughter. He reached across the counter with a handful of pasta and rubbed it all over my hair and face. I gasped as I immediately stopped laughing and glared at him evilly as he laughed at me. I quickly grabbed some more calzone and threw it at him, which he dodged and hit the kitchen wall instead. We both looked at the wall, which had a big red stain on it, then at each other and suddenly burst into a fit of giggles that had tears running down our cheeks. Thank God Jacob’s room was on the other side of the house and he was very hard to wake up.

“Oh, how much I missed spending time with you. You always know how to cheer me up,” I said, my laughter slowly dwindling away as well as Chris’.

“I’m glad I could help,” Chris answered smiling while patting my back.

I smiled back and got some paper towels to clean the mess. Chris took them from me and I looked up at him in confusion.

“Go on, take a shower. I’ll clean up the mess,” Chris said.

“But it was my fault.”

“No it wasn’t I started it, I’ll clean it up. You’ve had a long day.”

“Chris.”

“Tom.”

I sighed and shoved him playfully. “Fine,” I muttered under my breath and made my way to my room’s bathroom.

I took a shower, making sure to rinse out every bit of pasta left in my hair. I hadn’t had that much fun in a long while and it felt great to have my friend here for me. I was glad that I was starting to get back to my old, playful and happy self. I finished showering and changed into some track suit trousers and an old t-shirt.

I walked back to the kitchen, Chris wasn’t there but the kitchen was now spotless and he had also washed the dishes. I heard the shower from the guest bathroom running and assumed Chris was taking a shower. Knowing Chris was probably going to stay at my house for the night I grabbed the biggest clothes I could find in my closet and set them neatly on the bed of the guest bedroom. I left a note that read, “Goodnight and thank you.” And set it on top of the clothes, figuring out he was

probably going to take a long time in the shower. I walked back to my room, snuggled under the covers and fell asleep almost immediately.

I awoke to my son jumping up and down on my bed excitedly.

“Wake up daddy!” he said sitting on my chest.

I rubbed my eyes and yawned loudly. I opened my eyes and saw Jacob smiling down at me, my day already with a good start. “Hey son, good morning. Did you sleep well?”

He nodded smiling and laid down on my chest. I wrapped my arms around him and kissed the top of his head. I grinned mischievously and began to tickle his sides furiously as he giggled uncontrollably. “Daddy stop! Please stop!” He laughed attempting to tickle me. “I have a surprise for you!”

“Oh yeah? What’s that?” I asked while he tried catching his breath and held on to his tummy.

“Come with me!” he said, pulling me out of bed and leading him to the kitchen. “I made you breakfast and Uncle Thor helped me!”

I smiled and sat down on the stool where my breakfast had been placed by them. I picked Jacob up and sat him on my lap, waiting for Chris to come and join us.

“Good morning, Tom,” Chris said, walking in through the doorway to the kitchen. “Jacob insisted on preparing you breakfast this morning and asked for my help. I know I’m no chef but Jacob sure can cook.”

I smiled and Milagros immediately came to mind. Her food was amazing and I suspected Jacob had inherited the cooking skills from her. I really missed her food, and every little thing she did for me, she never felt like it was her job to do something, as I never treated her that way, and I loved to come home to an excellent home cooked meal.

“Go on dad, try it!” Jacob said looking up at me eagerly with a huge smile plastered across his face. On my plate there was scrambled eggs, toast, and some sausage. A cup of black coffee was sitting next to my plate, resting on its own tiny plate. I picked up the fork and placed some of the scrambled eggs on the toast. A small moan of delight escaped my lips, this was the best breakfast I’d had in a long while. Mainly because I usually didn't prepare myself any breakfast at all since I usually didn't really have time. Jacob raised an eyebrow, that small gesture that made me smile knowing he had inherited that from me, expectantly waiting for my word.

“Mm… This is delicious Jacob! Thank you, so much the both of you for making me some breakfast,” I said smiling looking at Jacob then at Chris.

“It was no problem Tom, I’m glad you like it. I’m sorry but I must get going, Elsa needs me for father duties,” he said with a chuckle, walking out of the kitchen he ruffled Jacob’s hair and waved at me before walking out and towards his car.

I continued eating with Jacob on my lap making small conversation on what we would do that day. I didn’t have to work today so I completely dedicated this day to spend it with my son. Jacob suggested we play football in the backyard for a while and then go swimming in our pool.

Once I was done eating, Jacob and I changed into our bathing shorts and a simple t-shirt, not wanting to have to go back and change before we went into the pool. Jacob walked out with his red football with the Manchester United logo on it and we began kicking it around. I pretended to be really bad and let him win, which he celebrated enthusiastically by pulling his shirt off and running around like the players from the team did when they scored a goal. I threw my head back in laughter and pulled my shirt off, throwing it on one of the lounge chairs. I picked him up and threw him into the pool making him squeal as he flew through the air. I dived right after him and when I came up he splashed my face playfully. Jacob had already learnt how to swim but he liked to stay in the shallow part of the pool anyways fearing the ‘monsters’ on the deep side of the pool. He stood on my shoulders and jumped into the pool.

We played around like that for quite some time until he got tired and said he wanted to go get ice cream from his favorite ice cream shop. We dried off and changed into some different, more decent clothes and made our way to the small shop. I pulled him onto my shoulders as we walked into the shop, Jacob waving happily at the employees and them waving back with a bright smile.

“Hey there Cub, what would you like today?” Rick asked with a smile while looking up at him. This shop had always been Jacob’s favorite and the employees already knew us, as they had even adopted the nickname ‘Cub’ for Jacob.

Jacob picked the chocolate ice cream with gummy bears, sprinkles, and pieces of Oreo all over it. I paid for his ice cream and one for myself, chocolate also. Like father, like son. We sat down at one of the small tables, Jacob’s feet dangling from the chair as he ate his ice cream happily. He ended up with a brown stain on his shirt and chocolate all around his mouth which I helped him clean while he giggled.

We went back home and settled on the couch, Jacob watching Sponge Bob with my arm wrapped around him while I stroked his hair with my other hand. That always made him fall asleep instantly, he had a soft spot behind his head that if you stroked it softly he would fall asleep in a matter of minutes. I carried him to his room, tucked him in, and made sure the night light was on. I left the door ajar since he didn’t like sleeping with his door closed and walked back to the living room. I pulled out a glass from the bar and served myself a small amount of whiskey and skipped through the channels mindlessly. I sighed when I didn’t find anything interesting to watch and retreated to my room where I fell asleep after an hour of turning around in bed, memories of Milagros haunting me.

My nightmares had stopped but they were still present sometimes. They were usually of me watching that bastard kill my wife while I could do nothing at all. But tonight’s nightmare was even worse. Jacob and Milagros were both in danger and I was trapped, defenseless, and I had to witness these terrible things happen to them right in front of my eyes. I couldn’t look away, I was forced to watch and my eyes were kept open throughout the entire thing. I cried desperately for my defenseless family.

I woke up with a start, gasping as I sat up. My cheeks were wet with tears and I was shaking badly. The images of my dream still plastered on my mind and I was unable to forget everything I saw. I looked at my bedside table where a picture of all three of us stood. I picked up the picture and cried as I held it tightly to my chest. I cried until I didn’t have any more tears and ended up falling asleep at 5 a.m. My mind, thankfully, was blank for the rest of the night as I slept with my arms tightly wrapped around said picture.


	2. Chapter 2

The nightmares didn’t go away. The dreams were always the same, Milagros and Jacob suffering while I watched. I wasn’t sleeping properly and my body was suffering from it, I had bags under my eyes and I was becoming skinnier, which was causing some problems for the movie. I had to eat more than I usually needed just so I could keep a constant weight and make up was applied before shooting to cover the ugly bags under my eyes.

Although I was working on a film now, the most amount of acting was going on at home. I did not want to let Jacob see me like this since it would most likely affect him also. Whenever I got home I would smile as brightly as I could, making sure Jacob was as happy as ever without having to worry about anything.

Today would have been Milagros’ and mine eight year anniversary, I couldn’t take it and I ended up calling in sick so I could go see her. The director didn’t really mind since I was only required for one scene which could be filmed another day. My mother stayed with Jacob while I went to see Milagros, all of us thought it best not to put Jacob through the kind of pain that would bring him going to see his mother’s grave. I bought her favorite flowers on my way to the cemetery, she had always loved tulips. I thought back to the day of our wedding and smiled at the memory of her bouquet full of different colored tulips. It’s so hard to let go of someone and know that they will never go back, that you will never be able to see them smile or hold them for the rest of your life. I missed her warmth, I missed her kisses, I missed her laugh, her touch, her smile. I missed her. And it broke my heart even more every time I thought about her.

I arrived at the cemetery and walked straight to her grave. I looked down at the gravestone and contemplated her name written on it, still unable to accept the fact that she was gone. I crouched down and placed the flowers in front of the gravestone as I placed my hand to it.

“Happy eight year anniversary, darling. I brought you your favorites,” I said with a sad smile. “Jacob and I miss you so much. Jacob is alright, he behaves but sometimes he asks for you.”

A tear escaped my eye and fell down to the ground. My lip trembled slightly as I spoke, “Why’d you have to go? It’s not fair, you were so young, and you had a family who loved you. Why you of all people? Then again, life is never fair.” I took in a deep, shaky breath as more tears came streaming down my face. I lowered by head while I held on to the gravestone of my loved one. “I love you so much, I will never stop loving you, my darling girl.”

I stayed with her for a while more, silently mourning the death of my wife. I kissed my hand and touched it to the piece of stone right where her name was written and stood up. “I’ll see you later, love,” I murmured looking down and began to walk away towards the gates. I sniffled while I wiped the tears away with the sleeve of my shirt and got into my car. Sighing sadly, I drove away heading back home, nothing playing on the radio while my mind was full of thoughts about Milagros.

While I was at the traffic light I saw some people taking pictures of me from another car. I ignored them as I really didn’t want anyone to see me in that state. I looked back at the car through the rearview mirror and groaned when I realized they were following me. I sped up and hurried back home not wanting to deal with paparazzi.

As I parked in the driveway I checked myself on the mirror as I prepared to put on that dreadful ‘happy mask’ that I had grown so accustomed to over the past year. My eyes were a bit puffy but I didn’t

think Jacob would be able to tell, although my mother certainly would. I got out of the car and walked towards the front door slowly giving me more time to prepare. The closer I moved the more worried I became, I couldn’t hear anything coming from inside the house and Jacob was usually pretty loud. My heart started racing, fearing something might have happened to them, and opened the door hurriedly. I walked towards the kitchen but no one was there, as well as the living room, and my room and Jacob’s. My mind began creating different scenarios of what could have happened and my breath hitched as I walked around the house desperately trying to find them. The loss of my wife, as well as my dreams were making me paranoid that I would somehow lose Jacob or a loved one. I walked to the back door and an enormous sigh of relief escaped my lips when I saw Jacob playing happily in the pool while my mother read a magazine and occasionally looked over at him to ensure he was okay.

“Thomas!” My mum greeted me as I walked her way.

“Daddy!” Jacob squealed and scrambled to get out of the pool. I picked up a towel from the chair and wrapped it around him, hugged him tightly.

“Hello, did you guys have fun?” I asked with a fake smile which my mum caught onto immediately.

“Yes! Grandma and I made some biscuits and she told me stories and I played in the pool!” Jacob said excitedly. My mother smiled at me sympathetically and I ruffled Jacob’s wet hair.

“I’m glad you had fun. I do hope you saved some of those biscuits for me,” I said feigning hope. Jacob nodded while smiling and suddenly sneezed. “Hm. I think someone might be catching a cold, better get you inside and into a warm shower. We can even eat some of those biscuits you made afterwards.”

Jacob nodded and ran inside straight to the bathroom leaving my mum and I alone. She walked over to me as I stood up slowly.

“How’d it go?” she asked. I shrugged and stayed silent. “Thomas, you know I can see right through you-“

“Mum, I don’t want to talk about it. Please,” I interrupted her.

“You need to talk to someone about what's going on, you can’t keep bottling it all up inside you and put on that show with the fake happiness. I know it must be hard for you but it might not be as hard if you talk to someone about it.”

“I understand what you’re saying, but I really don’t want to talk about it right now.”

I walked back inside and into the kitchen where I saw the biscuits sitting on a tray. A smile crept to my face, in the middle of the tray laid a biscuit with ‘#1 Dad’ written on it with chocolate frosting.

“You know, he really looks up to you.” I heard my mother say when she saw the smile on my face.

“I try to be the best model I can be for him,” I said, still looking down at the biscuit. “Especially now that I have to play the role of mother and father.” I felt my mum place a hand on my back and rubbed soothingly up and down. I sniffled and my mom pulled me into a hug which I returned gratefully. “I miss her so much, mum,” I murmured sadly.

“I know, I know, son,” she whispered running her hands up and down my back. Even if she was much shorter and smaller than me, it still felt comforting to be held by her that way.

“I don’t know what to do, I can’t stand being without her.”

She sighed, not knowing what to say to comfort me. Her hold was enough to keep me calm.

“The dreams have gotten worse also. Now it isn’t only her that’s getting hurt, it is also Jacob, and all I can do is watch,” I mumbled sadly.

“Nothing will happen to Jacob, do you understand? It wasn’t your fault, none of what happened was your fault and sadly you can’t do anything about it. You just have to take care of your son and you’ll see everything will get better.”

I nodded as I wiped the tears of my cheeks. Crying was becoming an all too familiar feeling and that needed to stop. I just didn’t know how to make it stop. My mother looked up at me and pulled my head down to place a kiss on my forehead. “I love you Thomas, now go spend some time with your son, he needs it. Call me if you need anything,” my mother said patting my shoulder. I nodded and murmured, “I will. Love you, too.” She walked away and shot a smile my way before stepping outside and closing the door behind her.

I stood there looking down at the ground, my body supported by the counter. Memories of Milagros flooding my mind, happy memories. Like the time I proposed to her, I remember the huge smile that appeared on her face when she noticed me pulling out the ring from my pocket. I smiled at the memory of her smile and thought to the day of our wedding, our first kiss as a married couple, the day we found out she was pregnant, all those amazing memories which reminded me of the great times we spent together.

I was woken up from my daydream by Jacob calling out to me from the bathroom. I went over quickly and stuck my head inside. I chuckled and shook my head when I noticed he didn’t have a towel. I walked to the small closet in the corridor where we kept the towels and brought one to him. When he came out wearing his pajamas, hurrying to go play with his toys I shook my head and took him back into the bathroom. He groaned as I sat him on the sink knowing what was to come.

“We don’t want you to get sick do we?” I asked as I pulled out the hair dryer. He shook his head with a sigh and I began to dry his hair while he looked down at the floor in defeat. After a while, I ruffled his curls making sure his hair was completely dry. “All done.” He jumped off the sink with a smile and ran to his room to get his toys.

Shaking my head, I placed the hair dryer back where it belonged and made my way to the living room where I knew he would go play at. He always asked me to play with him which I always complied to. He had asked us several times for a little brother or sister and now I wish we could have made that happen. Maybe Jacob would feel a lot less lonely if he had a sibling to play with. I sat down on the floor and waited for him to come. He came running with a bucket full of Legos and a box full of toy cars, smiling excitedly. We dumped all the Legos on the floor and started working on building a city. The city ended up falling apart after I attacked him, tickling him madly and him thrashing around everywhere to escape from my clutches. He ran away and I chased him, picking him up and swinging him around the air. Giggles filled our home for hours while we played. Our day ended with us exhausted and laying on the couch with a mess all over the house. We fell asleep on the couch cuddled together.

“Daddy! Dad, wake up!” I was awoken by my son shaking me. As I came to my senses I realized I had been crying in my sleep, I opened my eyes and looked up at my son who wore a worried look on his face. “What's wrong?” he asked.

I didn’t respond, I just pulled him to me and hugged him tightly not wanting to let go. “Are you okay, daddy?” I stroked his hair and nodded.

“I’m fine, don’t worry,” I murmured and placed a kiss on his head. “Come on, let’s go make some breakfast.”

I stood up and walked with him to the kitchen. I prepared some pancakes while he helped me set the table. We ate in silence and I cleared the table once we finished eating. Jacob went to play in his room leaving me in the living room not knowing what to do. I decided to call some friends and see if they wanted to have a small reunion at my house. Jacob and I went out to the market to get some things for tonight. On our trip to the market I ended up buying Jacob a WiiU, he pulled the puppy eyes on me and I couldn’t say no.

At around 5 pm people started arriving and I had already organized the house and set up the grill outside. The first one to arrive was Benedict followed by Martin and his wife. Robert was currently in London for vacation with his family and arrived a bit later than Martin. By 7 pm everyone was there and the food was being made. The kids were inside playing on the Wii with Jacob while we sat outside talking and sipping wine and beer. Having friends over really helped me distract myself for a while and have some fun with my friends. We all ended up singing along and dancing with whoever came across each other. I was currently dancing with a friend Luke had brought with him. Her name was Rosanna and we were talking and laughing while we danced clumsily. Suddenly she leaned up and kissed me. I was in shock and I couldn’t move, but I didn’t kiss back. I came to my senses and pulled back, pushing her back gently.

“I don’t want to be rude, but I can’t do this,” I said looking down at her.

“I’m sorry. I really shouldn’t have done that,” she murmured looking down and turned around to walk away.

I pinched the bridge of my nose as I sighed and Luke came walking towards me with an apologetic face. He placed his hand on my shoulder and sighed.

“I’m sorry mate, she doesn’t know about it. I’ll go take her home,” Luke said sadly. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“It’s fine, thank you,” I murmured and turned to look back at Rosanna who was wiping a tear away from her cheek. I saw Luke walking towards her and wrapping an arm around her shoulder. I felt bad and I walked over to them quickly before they left.

“I’m sorry Rosanna, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings I just… I lost my wife recently and I don’t think I’m ready to start something new,” I said looking down at her.

“Oh God, If I’d known. I apologize, I get that you’re not ready,” she murmured with a sad smile. “And I’m sorry for your loss.”

“It’s okay, you didn’t know.”

____________________________________________________________________________________

That night I went to bed and nightmares haunted my sleep yet again.


	3. Chapter3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of bullying and homophobia.

5 years later

I woke up, breathing heavily with my legs tangled with the sheets. This was my first nightmare in almost one and a half years. I sighed rubbing my face as I sat up and flipped my legs over the side of the bed. Chills covered my body as soon as my feet touched the cold wooden floor. Turning my head towards the bedside table I noticed the alarm clock read 4:27 am in bright green letters. I padded over to the bathroom rubbing the sleep out of my eyes slowly. My hands gripped the sides of the sink, head hanging low between my shoulders, chest slowly rising and falling as I breathed. I raised my head slightly to look at myself in the mirror, I no longer looked pale and tired as I did a few years back. I had managed to move on a bit but Milagros’ memory was still stuck in the back of my head day and night.

I splashed my face with water to wake myself up fully knowing that I wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep anyways. I pulled a shirt over my chest and made my way to the kitchen silently so I wouldn’t wake Jacob up. I made myself some coffee and sipped it as I stared at the floor thinking.

I had tried dating again but my fame had also grown greatly over the past five years so it made dating even more difficult. I loved my profession but it sure was a lonely one because I never knew if someone was interested in me for myself or for the money and fame, especially after Milagros I didn’t go around with my heart on my sleeve as I did before. My wedding ring was always on my finger, I never took it off. That was one thing I couldn’t bring myself to do, I couldn’t bring myself to leave that memory behind. My thumb played with the ring on my finger making me remember the word encrypted onto the inside of the ring. Forever. It was true, I would love her for the rest of my life. Milagros would always have a place in my heart, a big one at that.

I placed the mug in the sink pouring some water into it and leaving it behind. I changed into my running clothes and went out for a quick run after checking on Jacob. He was sleeping peacefully with his blanket wrapped around him tightly. I placed a kiss on his head and made my way out leaving his door ajar. I ran for about an hour after doing some stretches. By the time I arrived back home it was 6 am, I took a quick shower before beginning to make breakfast for Jacob and I.

Jacob came in walking sleepily down the hallway and plopped down onto the chair in front of the breakfast bar.

“Morning, dad,” he muttered.

“Morning, Jacob. How’d you sleep?” I asked as I placed scrambled eggs on his plate. He grunted in response when I ruffled his already disheveled curls. “Orange juice or milk?”

“Orange juice, please,” he mumbled. I poured juice for both of us and sat down next to him to eat.

We ate in total silence neither of us uttering a single word. I knew Jacob and I kept distancing from each other more and more each day and I didn’t know what to do to fix it. I sighed and waited for Jacob to finish his breakfast before taking the dishes and washing them while he went and changed for school. Once he came out of his room freshly showered and changed with his backpack hanging on his right shoulder, we stepped outside and into the car. I drove him to school and made small talk throughout the ride, although not much of anything important. Once we arrived at school Jacob quickly got out of the car.

"I love-" he closed the door and walked away with his head hanging low without looking back. "...you." I sighed shaking my head and drove away back home. Jacob has been very quiet and he never asks me to invite friends over. He doesn't go out much either, as soon as he arrives home he locks himself in his room and only comes out for dinner and whenever I try to talk to him he says he's busy with homework.

So, when he came back from school that day I decided it was time for me to do something about it, this couldn't continue the way it was.

"Dad, I'm home!" I heard him call as he scurried off to his room. I walked quickly to intercept him in the hallway. Jacob tried to get past me but I gently put my hand on his shoulder to stop him. "Jacob we gotta talk."

"Dad, I can't right now. I have a project I have to finish," he murmured, his hands fidgeting with each other, and his eyes avoiding my own. I placed a hand on his back and nudged him toward his room so we could talk calmly. He walked into his room with a defeated sigh and plopped down onto his bed, as I followed.

"Can you tell me what's going on?" I asked trying to look into his eyes but he kept avoiding me. "Jacob look at me, please." He shook his head slightly and turning his head to look away from me.

"Son, you know you can tell me whatever is going on right now. I need to know what's wrong so I can help you solve it," I said pulling his chin upwards softly with my hand. His green eyes risked a look up at mine and I could see tears about to make their way down his cheeks. It completely shattered my heart to pieces to see him like that so I immediately pulled him to me and wrapped my arms tightly around him. That's when a sob escaped his throat making his body shake as he let it all out onto my shoulder. I kissed his head while I soothingly rubbed his back. After a few minutes of heavy sobbing he calmed down some but I could still hear him sniffling against my chest.

"Can you tell me what’s going on please? Jacob, I only want to help," I murmured pushing him back a bit so I could look down at him.

It was a few minutes of silence before he answered. "It's about school," he mumbled.

"Is it about your grades?" He shook his head and hugged me tighter. That was all it took me to realize what was going on. How didn't I notice before? I felt so stupid. With a sigh I asked the question I dreaded the most, "You're getting bullied aren't you?" Jacob's arms tightened around my waist as another set of sobs started up again. "Why didn't you tell me before, darling?"

"I was embarrassed about it," he sobbed.

"Why would you be embarrassed? There's nothing wrong about it."

"It's because of what they call me."

"And what would that be?" Another sob rocked though his body and he shook his head. "Go on, you can tell me."

"They call me gay and say that you probably starve me because I'm so skinny and lanky. They push me around at the hallways and trip me when I walk by," he cried.

A tear ran down my cheek, my heart broke into a thousand more pieces. I held him tightly to me and murmured in his ear, "It doesn’t matter what they say. They probably have their own problems at home and are letting it all out on you. You shouldn't let those words get to you, they mean nothing especially when they're not true."

"But that's the thing, they are true. I am gay and I am skinny and lanky even though I know you don't starve me-"

"Whoa, whoa, slow down. Son, you're gay?" I asked shocked.

Jacob pulled away from me sharply and turned away from me, his face reading a mixture of embarrassment, anger, and he looked slightly ashamed of himself. "Why does it matter?" he muttered, his tone suddenly becoming defensive.

I sighed, "It doesn’t, it just took me by surprise."

"What's so shocking about me being gay? Can't believe what a disgrace I am to your family?"

"What? Jacob, no. I don't mind and you're not a disgrace. It's perfectly fine, I really couldn't care less if you were gay or not. Look at me." Jacob turned around and looked put at me insecurely.

"You- you really don't mind?"

"No, I would love you anyways."

He sniffed and lunged at me pulling me into a choking hug. "I love you, dad," he murmured.

"I love you too, Jacob," I said smiling as I hugged him back.

________________________________________

The next day while we were eating breakfast Jacob looked at me and said, "Dad, I really don’t want to go to school."

"I know but you have to. I'll go in and talk to the principal and see what we can do about it." A look of panic crossed Jacob's face and he shook his head rapidly.

"No, dad. Please don't. That will make it worse. Much, much worse," he said practically begging.

"Jacob, we've got to do something about it and I'm not going to let some with kids bully you just because they can. I don't care what kind of problems they're going through it's still not right what they're doing to you."

"You don't understand, the principal will talk to them and then they'll make fun of me for telling you what's going on."

"Well we have to do something about it," I said leaning back on my chair.

"I was thinking that maybe you could... transfer me?"

"You're halfway through the year, don't you think that could complicate things more?"

Jacob shook his head. "Dad please."

"I'll see what I can do," I said with a small sigh. Jacob's face lit up and he leaned in to hug me. "But you're still going to school today."

"Fine," he said rolling his eyes.

Jacob's P.O.V

I waved at my dad as he pulled away from the school and I made my way inside. I immediately lowered my head so as to not look at anyone and not drag attention to myself, praying internally that Jeff and his friends wouldn't notice me.

"Oh, there goes the gay kid," I heard Jeff say as I walked by. I closed my eyes letting out a frustrated huff and continued walking towards my class."Where's your boyfriend, you sissy?"

"Leave him alone Jeff," I heard someone behind me that I didn't recognize say.

Next thing that I heard was a loud crash as someone was pushed into the wall rather roughly which quickly unfolded into a fight. My eyes widened when my mind recognized who was fighting Jeff and a small blush crept up my neck and onto my face, followed by a tingly feeling in my stomach. I couldn't believe he had stood up for me, I didn't even think he knew I existed at all. He was so gorgeous, he had longish black hair and green eyes like mine.

The school's security had split up the fight rapidly before it turned into something worse, although Jeff had ended up on the floor with what sure looked to later become a very painful black eye. My mind couldn't decide if I should go over and thank him for standing up to me or just let it pass. I nibbled on my bottom lip and finally decided to make my way over to him.

"Hey, um..." I mumbled looking down at my feet. "Thanks for that, you didn't have to defend me."

"It's fine, I've seen how he talks to you. I just wanted to help," Zack said smiling shyly at me. I looked up and saw the beginnings of a bruise on his cheek.

Zack was barely taller than me even though he was two years older than me, well more like a little over a year older than me since I was about to turn 12 in a few weeks. He was so gorgeous, he had longish black hair that fell past his eyes at the sides, resting soundly on his cheeks. The front of his hair covered his eyebrows from view although his forest green eyes peeked just barely from under the black curtain of hair. He was in the year above me as was Jeff and his friends. And I, unfortunately, had a giant crush on him. When I realized about my attraction to him was when I let myself accept that I was rather more attracted to boys than girls.

"Your cheek," I pointed out and he raised an eyebrow in confusion before he realized what I was talking about.

"Oh, yeah. I'm fine, don't worry about it," he said motioning towards it.

The sound of heavy footsteps produced by overly expensive dress shoes could be heard echoing through the hallway towards us signaling the presence of the principal.

"Shit," Zack muttered under his breath as Mr. Lewis made his way over to us.

"Mr. Taylor if you would please accompany me to my office," he said and then motioned towards Jeff. "You also, Mr. Walker."

I watched as the three of them made their way down the hall and turned right, disappearing onto another hallway. The bell rang and I became aware that I was late for my first class which was Earth Science at the other end of the building with the worst teacher, Mrs. White. I groaned knowing that I was probably going to be sent to detention for being late to the class for the fourth time already. When I stepped into class 5 minutes late, all eyes were on me as if I had murdered someone or something and the whole class went silent. Mrs. White scribbled something on a detention form and handed me the paper slip without even looking at me, making it clear I was to go to the detention room immediately.

The sound of my shoes hitting the floor as I walked was the only thing that could be heard in the hallway, except for the blurred noise of a classroom full of talkative kids that barely made its way through the classroom door. My feet stopped in front of the door to room 237, I practically had to force myself to knock on the door, which was opened after a few seconds by the teacher in charge of the class full of wayward students. As I entered the room with my head held low, eyes fixed on the floor, I noticed a pair of familiar sneakers that I had seen a thousand times before whenever I observed their owner from across the hall in between classes. My head snapped up and met the eyes of none other than Zack. He gave me a small smile and motioned for me to sit on the desk next to his own.

"Hey," he whispers while smiling brightly at me.

"Hey," I smiled back.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No real warnings other than some curse words.  
> Sorry for the whole Zack and Zach confusion! Just to make it clear, Zach with an h is Zachery Levi and Zack with a k is Zack Taylor.

"Yeah, I don't know," I said to Zach over the phone. "Maybe we'll go, I'll ask him when he gets back from -- Hey I'll call you in a sec I got another call."

Sighing, my thumb pressed on the answer button as I brought the phone back to my ear. "Hello?"

_"Is this Mr. Hiddleston?"_

"That'd be me, yes. Is something wrong?"

_"This is Mrs. White, Jacob's teacher. I'm calling to inform you that your son has received detention for being late for the fourth time to his Earth Science class. He had been warned repeatedly but he was five minutes late to class today again. If he is late to class again I'm afraid he will be getting a referral and double detention."_

I shook my head, "I will speak to him today. It won't happen again Mrs."

_"Thank you Mr. Hiddleston, have a nice day."_

The call ended and I swiped my thumb down the screen of my phone searching for Zach's name.

"Hey, man," I said.

_"Sup?"_

"Jacob got in trouble at school today so his teacher was calling me."

_"Ah. What'd he do?"_

"He was late for class for like, the fourth time. Anyways, you coming tonight?"

_"Yep. Is Luke coming over too?"_

"Think so. Yeah."

_"Alright, see you at around 7 then."_

"Ok, bye. See ya."

Glancing down at my watch, it was time to go pick up Jacob from school. I pocketed my phone, grabbed my keys from the kitchen counter, and made my way to the silver Audi sitting on my driveway. The drive to the school was short and soon enough I was pulling up in front of the institute. My eyes spotted Jacob standing by the entrance but I was surprised to see him with another boy talking excitedly. He hadn't noticed me until I honked the car's horn, making his head snap in my direction. He made his way to the car followed closely by his companion.

"Dude. Nice car," Jacob's friend said to him.

"Thanks," Jacob replied with a smile, one that I had rarely seen in a while. "Hey dad, can we give him a ride home?"

"Sure, hop in," I said, noticing Jacob's pleading tone. I took in the other teen's appearance, black skinny jeans, a shirt with some band printed on it, and a pair of Converse high tops

They both smiled, his friend climbing into the back seat first, who was soon followed by Jacob which made me raise my eyebrow. What was I now? His chauffeur? I let it go and turned around in my seat to look at them.

"So..." I said looking for a name to match the face.

"Zack, sir. Zack Taylor. Nice to meet you." He extended his hand towards me and I took it into a tight grip. Maybe a tad bit too tight due to Zack's slight wince.

"I'm Jacob's father, you may call me Tom," I said, releasing his hand and turning back around to face the street as I started the car. "Where do you live?"

He gave me his address followed by a few directions. During the ride, the silence became rather awkward, no sound coming from either of them except when they squirmed uncomfortably in their seat. I glanced back at them through the rear view mirror. I noticed Zack stealing a glance at Jacob who was staring out the window, and a small smile made its way to Zack's face. He quickly averted his eyes from him when Jacob turned to look at him timidly, a blush forming on his cheeks. I tried extremely hard not to smile too wide when I saw the small gesture.

I pulled up to a relatively small house, big enough for a small family, and parked the car in the driveway. Zack opened the door and stepped out of the car, turning around to offer a smile at Jacob.

"Thank you for the ride, sir." He looked at me as he pulled his house keys out of his pocket.

"No problem," I replied sincerely. I suddenly realized that there was no one at his house and that he probably had to walk back from school every day. "Hey, um... Do you walk home every day? Your house is pretty far from school."

"Yes, my dad can't pick me up. He's not around much," he murmured and I could notice the sadness in his tone.

"Any chance he'll be home before dinner?"

He shook his head. "He never is."

"Would you like to join us? I have a few friends coming over and maybe you and Jacob can hang out at home."

His face lit up, even though he tried to hide it, and nodded eagerly. I drove back home after Zack got in and parked on the driveway. We all walked into the house together, Jacob and Zack made their way to Jacob's room while I walked towards the kitchen. I dropped my keys on the counter and walked over to Jacob's room. The door was slightly open but I knocked anyways to give him some sense of privacy.

"Yes?" I heard Jacob call.

"May I come in?" I asked pushing the door open a bit.

"Yeah."

Pushing the door open completely, I was greeted by the two of them sitting on the bed while playing video games. I smiled. "Do you guys want anything to eat and drink?"

Jacob paused the game and looked at Zack questioningly who just shrugged, obviously a bit shy as it was his first time over. Jacob chuckled and said, "Are there crisps?" I nodded and walked back to the kitchen knowing that's what he wanted. I placed some crisps on a big bowl and grabbed two sodas thinking they might want something to drink as well. I brought the bowl and drinks to Jacob's room, placing them on his desk. "Don’t make a mess."

"We'll try," I heard Jacob's reply as I walked out of the room.

I went to my bathroom for a quick shower before Zach and Luke arrived. The fridge was stacked with beer and I had a few snacks prepared. At around 7:10 there was a knock on the door and walked over to open it, finding myself face to face with Zach.

"Hey man!" Zach said and hugged me tightly, patting my back three times.

I patted his back as well. "How're you? Come on in."

Zach stepped inside with a wide smile. "I'm great! How's Jacob?"

"In his room, playing video games with a friend."

Zach nodded and walked to Jacob's room to say hi, me following behind him. He opened the door without knocking. "Hey kiddo..." Zach froze as the two boys jumped up and away from each other. "Um... Sorry about that, just wanted to say hi."

"Hey Zach," Jacob muttered.

"Holy crap, you're Zach Levi," Zack whispered, his eyes wide open. "Uh... I - I loved you in Chuck. Well, I mean, your - your performance."

Zach chuckled at the teen's nervousness. "Thank you, I didn't think anyone watched it any more. Well, I'll leave you guys alone."

Zach closed the door and turned to look at me. "That was awkward. I didn't know he liked boys..."

"Yeah, he told me yesterday. Don't mention it though."

A knock on the door interrupted us. "That must be Luke."

I opened the door but Luke wasn't the only one standing there. A lovely lady with light brown hair and beautiful brown eyes was standing next to Luke with a smile on her face. I turned to Luke with an eyebrow raised questioningly, he hadn't said anything about bringing someone along with him. It didn’t bother me, but I just wasn't expecting anyone else.

"Oh! Right," Luke said noticing the slight awkwardness. "I believe you've met before but it was a long time ago. Tom this is Rosanna, Rosanna this is Tom."

I suddenly remembered who she was. "I remember now. You, um," I cleared my throat. "Kissed me."

She blushed bright red. "Yeah, I'm still really sorry about that."

"Don't worry about it, we can have a fresh start," I said smiling down at her. "Anyways come in guys, there's beer in the fridge, snacks, a pool and ping pong table, as well as some movies we can watch."

We all made our way to the kitchen to grab some beers while we caught up on each other's lives. We decided to play some pool at the den in my backyard. It was Rosanna and me against Luke and Zach and let's say some 50 dollars were involved as a bet. Rosanna knew the basics but she wasn't all that good so I had to help her make some of the shots. I could hear Zach snickering whenever I leaned over her in order to place her hand and fingers correctly on the table and make sure she pointed in the right direction. Luke didn't seem too happy about it and I kept noticing him glaring at me sometimes when he thought I wasn't paying attention. Once we had downed a few beers we were all more comfortable with each other and playing pool became just a tad bit harder. When 8:30 rolled around we ordered some pizzas and set up the table so we could eat.

The pizza arrived about 30 minutes later and I went over to Jacob's room to tell them that the pizzas were here. I knocked but I didn't get an answer so I opened the door slowly and was faced with a sight that made me smile widely. Jacob and Zack were asleep on the bed, Zack's arm draped over Jacob's chest and Jacob snuggled to Zack's chest. I contemplated the thought of waking them up but they seemed so comfortable and peaceful that I felt bad waking them up. So I closed the door quietly and walked back to the dining room where everyone was already seated waiting for me and the kids.

"They're not going to eat?" Luke asked.

I shook my head. "They fell asleep together."

"Aww, that's so cute," Rosanna giggled scrunching up her nose.

I smiled and sat down next to her which Luke didn't seem like he approved of. "Well, dig in."

By the time it was 12:30 Zach and Luke were each sprawled out on two of the couches sleeping while Rosanna and I talked about anything and everything out on the other couch in the den. And then out of nowhere we were making out on the couch. I had stopped and thought about Milagros for a second but I realized that I desperately needed to move on. I wasn't using Rosanna to get over my deceased wife but it was time that I let myself go a bit more than usual. Milagros wasn't coming back and there was nothing I could do about it, so I decided to go for it and see where this path takes me. I was laying on my back while Rosanna straddled me, our tongues battling each other lustily, begging for more. Rosanna began to unbutton my shirt when we were interrupted.

"Dad?"

I sighed in frustration and rose from the couch while Rosanna climbed off me. I turned to look at him over the back of the couch. "Yes?"

I saw him take in my ruffled appearance, hair pointing everywhere, lips plump and red, and my shirt open halfway.

"Oh sorry, I was just wondering where you were. I saw Luke and Zach in the living room but you weren't there."

"It's okay," I said even though that wasn't entirely true, but he didn't know so I just let it pass. "Did you need anything?"

"Oh, yeah. Did you order food? We fell asleep so we're not really tired anymore, we're hungry though."

"There's pizza in the fridge."

He nodded and walked out and back to the house. I dropped back onto the couch with a deep sigh, an evident bulge in my pants. Turning my head towards Rosanna I noticed her licking her lips and staring at me with her eyes full of lust, the next second she was straddling me again.

__________________________________

The next morning I was woken from my slumber by a slight buzzing noise. As I came to my senses I realized I was laying on the couch alone with only a blanket covering my waist and below. My hands gripped the blanket tightly around my waist and I stood up to search for my phone. Luckily we hadn't drank that much last night even though I still had a mild headache. Rosanna's clothes were nowhere to be seen. I shook my head, of course, I should have guessed it. She had only wanted to get into my pants to later ditch me without seeing me again. Good job you arse, you fell for it, I thought to myself.

I snapped out of my thoughts as my phone started buzzing again. Digging through my trousers' pockets, I pulled the phone out and answered without looking at the screen.

"Yes?" I answered groggily.

_"Thomas, did you get drunk?"_

"Hey mum. And no I didn't, only slightly."

_"The guys went over yesterday?"_

"Mmhmm. So why'd you call?"

_"Something wrong?"_ I hated it how she knew me so well.

"No, all good," I lied.

I could almost see her raising her eyebrow just how I did. _"Really now? You still think you can fool your old ma? Go on, tell me."_

"Luke brought a girl with him yesterday."

_"Uh-huh."_ She urged me to continue.

"Well, you know... Things happened but she wasn't here when I woke up."

_"Ah, so you think she was just trying to have a one night thing with you?"_

"Yes," I sighed.

_"Well have you thought that maybe she had to go? Look around maybe she left a number somewhere."_

"Nope, nada. At least not here."

_"Where are you?"_

"I'm back in the den. I would go check right now but I'm not exactly decent, Jacob has a friend over and Zach might still be here."

_"I'll let you go get dressed then. If I don't get a call I'll just assume she left a number."_

"'Kay, I'll call you later."

_"No, you won't."_

The call ended and I got dressed into last night's clothes quickly so I could go check. I looked at my phone which showed me it was a little after 10 am while I walked in through the back door of the house. As I walked in I could hear the TV on in the living room at a low volume and soft murmuring. I walked into the kitchen and saw a post it note with a number stuck to the fridge. My fingers pulled it from the metallic surface and I looked down at it.

Sorry I had to leave early in the morning. Call me later - Rosanna xoxo

A smile made its way to my face and I quickly saved the number to my phone so I could call her later. Snickering could be heard coming from the living room, raising my eyebrow questioningly I walked over and saw Jacob and Zack sitting on one of the couches while Zach was still passed out. I noticed something on Zach's face and when I squinted my eyes a drawing of a penis could be seen on his forehead. I burst out laughing, making the two boys turn to me in surprise as they hadn't noticed I was standing there. Zach woke up with a start, falling off over the edge of the couch and onto the carpeted floor, causing me to laugh even harder and the boys to laugh along with me.

Zach groaned grabbing his head. "What the hell? Oh, god. You guys are assholes."

I gasped trying to catch my breath, placing my hands on my knees as I doubled over. Zach lifted himself off the floor and shot a glare at me before going into the guest bathroom.

"JACOB, YOU LITTLE SHIT!" Zach yelled from the bathroom and came bursting through the door.

"Crap!" Jacob got up off the couch, ran to his room and almost managed to close the door but Zach was pushing it open as he was about to shut it. Zach slipped inside Jacob's room, tackling him to the ground and began to rub his knuckles roughly on the boy's head, making his scalp sting from the friction. Jacob was locked into a tight grip by Zach's arm when suddenly the older man began to tickle him crazily.

"That's what you get for drawing a dick on my face!"

Jacob struggled to set himself free from his trapped state and ended up elbowing Zach in the stomach. Zach groaned, letting go of a panting Jacob who immediately stood up and ran back to the living room. Zach walked out to the living room a few minutes later clutching his stomach, the drawing on his face now washed off.

"You're lucky I have a headache or I wouldn't have let you go."

Jacob laughed while he hid behind me but stopped when Zach glared playfully at him.

"I better get going though, I have a meeting later today. I'll see you guys later," Zach said as he collected his things and headed for the door. He waved and we all waved back before he stepped out and shut the door behind him.

"You were asking for that," I told Jacob with a chuckle.

"Yeah, I know." He dropped on the couch next to Zack and they continued to watch TV.

"I'm going to take a shower, don't do anything crazy."

I decided to take a bath instead and let myself relax for a while, not worrying about anything for some time was just what I needed. I reached for a small towel next to the tub, dried my hands and reached for my phone which sat on a small stool next to the me. My thumb scrolled down my contact list looking for Rosanna's name, I was going to call but decided to text her instead.

Hello. No, too cold. I erased the message and thought again. Hey ;) Too flirty? Hi. Too simple? I made my mind up and sent the text.

Hi! :) - TH

A few minutes passed although they felt like hours, which made me think I had said the wrong thing. While I worried myself, the phone vibrated in my hand and lit up, as did my face.

_Hey Tom! What's up? Sorry I left so early but I had to work - RC_

I smiled and then I remembered she hadn’t told me her last name last night and decided to ask her. I began typing but then I realized she asked what I was doing, should I tell her I was in the tub? No, definitely not the moment for that.

It's fine, darling. I'm just relaxing for a while. Hey, you never did tell me what your last name is. - TH

_Darling? Haha. And it's Cooper - RC_

I groaned. I called her darling, she probably didn't like it. Stupid Tom and your terms of endearment.

Oh. Sorry, just used to saying it. - TH

_It's ok, I like it :) - RC_

I sighed in relief, thought I had messed it up. I didn't know what to answer to that so I decided to ask what I'd wanted to since I texted her.

Are you free tomorrow evening? - TH

_I might be... - RC_

That little minx, pretending to have a busy schedule.

You might be? Well how about 6? We can catch a movie and then go to dinner - TH

_Sounds good, I'll send you my address later. Gotta get back to work xo - RC_

I smiled widely and set my phone back on the stool, I was going on a date with her.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bullying and self harm.

Spraying some cologne on myself, I checked my watch which told me it was 5:40 pm. I placed the cologne back in the cabinet and checked myself in the mirror before walking out to Jacob's room. I knocked on the door softly.

"Come in!" Jacob called. I opened the door and stuck my head in, looking around and noticing the mess that was his room

"Zach will be over in about an hour to watch over you, okay?"

"Yes dad."

"And clean your room, it better be clean when I come back you hear me?"

"Uh-huh," he responded absentmindedly, his eyes glued to the laptop screen which sat on top of his bed.

"Call me or Zach, if he's not here by then, if you need anything."

"'Kay."

With a sigh I closed the door gently and picked up my wallet, keys, and phone from the dinner table. I walked outside, into my car and drove to Rosanna's house following the GPS's directions. It was 6 o'clock sharp when I parked my car on her driveway and got out of the car to knock on her large wooden doors. After a few seconds the door swung open to reveal Rosanna wearing a mid-thigh blue strapless dress that hugged her curves perfectly. She wasn't the skinniest person, she was maybe a size 10 or 12, but she definitely had a great figure and I liked that. And she was a very confident woman which made me attracted to her even more.

"Wow, you make that dress look great," I said smiling at her.

Her cheeks blushed red. "Thank you, you're looking very dapper yourself in that suit."

"Well thank you very much milady," I said in an overly sophisticated manner. She giggled, her nose scrunching up which I noticed the other night it always did when she giggled or laughed. "Shall we go?"

She nodded and took my hand which I had extended towards her, closing the door behind her and locking it. I led her towards the car, opening the door for her and closing it once she was seated inside. I walked over to the driver's side and jumped into the car.

I started the car and looked over at her. "I made some reservations at a Greek restaurant about half an hour from here. I hope you like Greek...?"

She laughed. "Yes, I love Greek food, it's actually one of my favorite kinds of food."

"Okay, great," I sighed in relief as I drove off. "I should have asked you before I made the reservations though."

"Well, at least you made a good guess," she said smiling at me.

We arrived at the restaurant soon after and were led to our table. We finally got to know each other much better than we did before. She had a big family of three brothers and a sister, all of them

married and with kids save for one of her brothers. She was the youngest one in the family and her parents were still happily married, I couldn't help but feel a little envious since my parents had divorced when I was young and had only talked to each other a couple times after that. Anyways, her favorite kind of music was rock, her favorite band being ACDC. All in all, we had a great time and learned about each other more. She truly was a wonderful woman, beautiful, smart, funny, secure. She was... Just amazing. I hadn't felt like this with anyone since Milagros and it actually felt really great to be able to keep my mind off of her and try new things.

As we were leaving the restaurant to go to the movie theatre, I got a text from Zach that read, "Tom, my girlfriend was just in an accident. Can't watch over Jacob. Sorry."

I sighed and typed in a quick reply saying it was fine and not to worry.

"Hey, um. Zach's girlfriend just got into an accident and he can't take care of Jacob. Do you, do you mind if we go back home and watch a movie there?" I asked Rosanna.

I saw her face tinted with slight disappointment but she agreed nonetheless. "Sure, it's fine."

When we arrived back home it was around 9 pm, much earlier than we had expected. I walked straight to Jacob's room to tell him I was home, but when I opened the door I regretted walking in without knocking. Jacob was sitting on his bed, pants down to his ankles, and getting to town.

"Dad!" Jacob yelled, startled at my sudden appearance through his door, frantically covering himself with his bed sheets. I immediately covered my eyes and walked out quickly shutting the door behind me. I hurried to the living room where Rosanna was looking for a movie to watch.

"Everything okay?" she asked when she noticed my traumatized face.

"I walked in on something I was not supposed to..." I murmured scratching the back of my head, a grimace spreading through my face.

"Ah. Didn't knock, did you?"

"Nope."

A door was heard being opened and then slammed followed by several sniffs and quick feet running towards the bathroom at the end of the hall. I sighed knowing he was probably crying from the embarrassment of being walked in on.

"I should go talk to him," I said thoughtfully.

"I should go home," she said walking away from the shelf which held the DVD's, and picking up her purse. "I'll call you tomorrow or something."

"Wait, Rosanna. Stay, please?" I asked grabbing her hand.

"It's fine I get it, you have to talk to him. It's an important part of raising your kid and I know it's a long talk," she said squeezing my hand. "Your son is more important right now. Go talk to him and I'll call a cab."

"I'll pay for it though," I said with a smile. She rolled her eyes and nodded. I handed her what I thought was an appropriate amount of money to pay for the ride home while she called for the taxi and kissed her goodbye. "Text me when you get home so I know you're safe." She nodded and walked out to the cab, waving back at me as she walked away. I closed the door, making sure it was locked and walked to the bathroom I knew Jacob was locked inside of.

"Jacob?" I knocked on the door softly. "Open up."

I didn't get an answer so I knocked again.

"Go away!" I heard a broken yell by Jacob from behind the door.

"Jacob open the door," I said a bit more firmly. A few seconds passed and the door slowly opened to reveal a blushing Jacob, his head hanging low and completely avoiding eye contact with me.

"Come here son." I dragged him out of the bathroom and to his room. Similar situation to a few days earlier except that I now knew what was going on.

"Jacob, there's certain things you need to know about adults..." I started.

"Dad I know about sex and I get it," Jacob interrupted me. "As I know you fucked that girl Rosanna."

"Jacob Anthony Hiddleston, watch your mouth!" I said angrily. "Do not curse like that in front of me or any adult for that matter. You shouldn't be cursing that way at all!"

"Sorry," he mumbled looking down.

"You better be. Moving on, now for the awkward part, how long have you been doing this Jacob? It's okay, you can tell me anything," I asked and noticed his cheeks turn shades redder than before. He mumbled something unintelligible, doing that same gesture as I did when I was nervous or confused, and scratching the back of his head.

"I didn't hear you," I said.

"This was only my second time," he said embarrassed.

"I see," I said. "When was your first time then?"

"Dad! I'm not telling you this kind if stuff!" he exclaimed, his face turning red again. "It's weird."

"No it's not. Everyone does this at around your age, Jacob. It's perfectly normal and it's a part of growing up."

"So... You're not angry?"

I raised my eyebrow in confusion. "Cub why would I be angry with you?"

"Because... Cause I though it was bad to do those things..."

I chuckled. "No, not at all. It's normal, even some girls..." Jacob quickly covered his ears and started making noises so he couldn't hear what I was about to say. When he saw me stop talking, he lowered his hands, warily looking at me in case I started talking again. I laughed loudly and shook my head.

"Anyways, you can ask me anything if you need to, don't think twice on it. I know you might have a lot of questions, but there's no need to be embarrassed about it. Understood?"

Jacob nodded and murmured, "Thanks dad."

"It's no problem, it's my job to teach you these things. And I promise I'll knock from now on." I stood up and walked towards the door, noticing that his room was still a mess. "Jacob, what did I tell you about the room?" I said sternly. He sighed and rolled his eyes as he got up and started organizing. "After you finish, take a shower and to bed, you got school tomorrow. Got it?"

"Yes, dad," he said in an annoyed tone.

I nodded briefly and shut the door on my way out.

As I was getting changed my phone pinged informing me that I had a text from someone. I pulled my phone from my trousers' pocket and checked to see who it was.

_I'm home and safe. :) - RC_

Good, I already finished talking with Jacob. Told you I wasn't going to take long. - TH

_I didn’t think it was appropriate to stay when you needed to talk to him. -RC_

It's okay. We can watch a movie some other day. - TH

A few minutes passed and I received no answer from her.

If you'd like... - TH

_Oh. Yes of course! :) - RC_

Great. :) - TH

I set the phone on my night stand, changed into a pair of fresh pants and snuggled into my warm bed.

The next day, when I awoke, I did my morning routine and drove a much happier Jacob to school. I went straight to Luke's office afterwards since I had a meeting with him to talk about an upcoming role. I hadn't done many major roles in since Crimson Peak a few years back. I had done a few voice overs for Disney and DreamWorks and some theatre jobs but that was about it. I parked the car outside the building and made my way inside and to Luke's office. As soon as I walked through the door Luke smiled brightly at me, well someone was in a good mood.

"I have great news for you!" Luke exclaimed and hugged me as a hello.

I patted his back. "I can tell," I said with a chuckle. Luke settled at his chair and I on the one across his desk. "Well, what are the excellent news you have for me?"

"I got you the part for the biggest upcoming show, all you have to do is say yes and you're on it."

"What's the catch to it?"

Luke hesitated and then finally spoke. "It's being filmed in the U.S. over a span of 5 months--"

"No," I interrupted.

"Wait, Tom. This --"

"I already said no, Luke. I can't move around like before, I have Jacob to think about."

Luke sighed. "Listen to me, you need this. People want to see you in new things and you haven’t done anything at all in a year."

"Well I will have to ask Jacob about it, I'm not making a decision for him, It's hard enough for him to make friends and you want me to make him move to another country and then move back again after the five months have passed?"

"That's the thing, it’s a show and if it has good ratings there will be more seasons..."

"You're asking me to move to the U.S.? Like permanently?"

"Or until the show is done..."

I let out an exasperated breath. "What are the details?"

Luke grinned slightly. "You will be working with Misha Collins and Jennifer Lawrence. I have a copy of the script for the pilot here so you can read it over and make your decision."

He handed me the script titled, 'Scream.' I placed it on my lap and looked through a few pages, then closed it. "I will speak to Jacob and then I'll call you, when I have my decision. Anything else?" I said as I stood up.

Luke shook his head so I nodded and walked out after briefly saying good bye. While I was driving back home, my phone began ringing. I looked at my phone and noticed Jacob's school was calling. I sighed hoping he wasn't in trouble again, and answered the phone.

"Hello?"

_"Mr. Hiddleston, this is your son's principal. I'm calling because something has happened with Jacob."_

"Is he in trouble again?"

_"No not exactly. It has come to my attention that Jacob has been going through a case of bullying by some kids from my school. The case became more severe today, Mr. Hiddleston, as Jacob was found in the boys' restroom beaten up and crying. An ambulance was called a few minutes ago and it's on its way here, since he was pretty badly beaten."_

I had pulled over to the side of the road and had absolutely no words as I was in shock from what I had just been told. My eyes watered slightly and anger began to consume me.

_"Mr. Hiddleston, are you there?"_

I snapped out of my trance and responded, "Oh! Excuse me. Yes I'm here. I'll go to the school right now."

_"I suggest you go straight to the hospital, so you can meet your son there already."_

"Okay sir. Thank you for calling immediately."

_"No problem. I want to inform you that I will induce severe consequences on the kids that did this to your son. It will not go unnoticed."_

"Thank you. Goodbye."

I threw the phone onto the passenger's seat and drove as fast as I could to the hospital. There, I went directly to the front desk and gave my name to the woman sitting there who told me to go to room 254, where they were tending to Jacob's injuries. My feet carried me to the room as fast as possible and I walked in on the doctor checking on Jacob.

"Dad," Jacob murmured as soon as he saw me walk in. The doctor moved for a second so I could greet my son. I rushed to him and pulled him into my embrace. I felt Jacob's body shaking with sobs as I stroked his hair. I pulled away to see how badly he looked. His eye was starting to swell and had a purple tint to it, he had several other bruises and his lip was cut as well. I moved away to let the doctor continue to examine Jacob, luckily he didn’t have a concussion or anything serious. The doctor said Jacob required a few days of rest and gave me a prescription of what I should do to take care of the bruises and cut lip as best as possible.

I drove home with Jacob, neither of us saying anything at all.

Jacob's P.O.V.

As soon as dad and I arrived home I headed straight to the bathroom and slammed the door behind me. I stood in front of the mirror, staring at my beaten face. Tears began to rush down my cheeks and with trembling hands I opened the cabinet to pull out a pack of razor blades. I had been thinking of doing this for a while and I finally needed to relieve the pain for once. I pulled out the razor and began to cut into my perfectly unscarred wrists.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m SO SO SO Sorry for the long wait! Feedback is appreciated! :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for mentions of self harm.

Jacob hadn’t gone to school the rest of the week. It was Friday now and his bruises were almost completely gone. He had barely come out of his room all week, but whenever he did he was always wearing a jumper or sweater. I really had no idea on how to deal with Jacob’s situation, he merely spoke 20 words to me the entire time and usually preferred to eat alone in his room. Today was different though, as when I arrived home from a date with Rosanna, Jacob asked me if Zack could come over and stay over the weekend. I obviously said yes guessing it might help him to be with someone of his age who he can talk to more freely, and who was his friend.

When Zack arrived, I saw them embrace as soon as he stepped inside and Zack placed a small kiss on top of my son’s mop of curly blond hair. I decided to wait a bit and not interrupt their moment before I walked out to greet Zack. They then headed directly to Jacob’s room and they only came out a few times throughout the day to get some snacks.

Jacob’s P.O.V

Zack and I went into my room quickly and as soon as the door was shut I let out what I originally wanted to let out on the living room. I hugged him tightly and cried my eyes out while he held me tightly against his chest. After I had calmed down Zack held me in place for a bit longer until I felt him tense up slightly. I looked up at him confused and then followed his gaze to what he was staring at. My eyes widened and I quickly pulled myself from him to pick up the bloodied piece of clothing and throw it in the hamper in a failed attempt to hide what I already knew he had seen. His eyes moved towards me and I noticed the tears forming in his beautiful green eyes, as realization dawned on him. He rushed towards me, grabbing my arm and pulling the sleeve of my jumper up to reveal my arm covered in scars, some more recent than others, and he did the same to my other arm where a slightly bigger scar had formed because I hadn’t measured how hard I pressed at the moment. His finger carefully stroked my arm making sure not to hurt me anymore.

"Jacob…" I heard him murmur, a very evident crack in his voice. A tear fell down from his cheek and onto my arm at which he was staring at in disbelief.

"I’m sorry… I had to," I whispered, my own voice cracking as well. "I just had to, I didn’t know what to do."

"You could have called me! I would have stopped you, Jacob!" His voice raising a little as he held on to my scarred arms.

"I’m sorry! I wasn’t thinking, I felt horrible and I thought that was the only solution!" I cried, tears spilling rapidly down my face.

Zack sighed and closed his eyes briefly. “Please promise me you will never, ever do this to yourself again. Or if you feel like you have to hurt yourself, you will call me no matter what time it is.” I hesitated, not knowing if I could actually keep that promise. I felt myself being shaken by Zack. “Promise me!”

"I-I promise," I stammered.

Zack ran a hand through my hair and hugged me as tight as possible. We laid down on my bed, cuddling while Zack lovingly made his job to kiss every single one of the scars that painted my arm into a pained mess.

A while later Zack and I were sitting on my bed using the laptop. Zack was trying to convince me to get a tumblr but I wasn’t really sure about it. I really didn’t understand it much but I saw there was a lot of Supernatural things on it which I liked. I finally accepted and made my own account which I had wanted to just use my own name but Zack told me not to as fangirls would freak out that Tom Hiddleston’s son had a tumblr. I chose a different name, supernatural-related of course, and Zack gave me a few suggestions on a few blogs I would enjoy following. I quite liked it, but there was some really weird things, some about my dad. Things I wish I had never seen, leaving me traumatized forever. It was kind of awkward since dad’s friends were on here also and there was something called ‘shipping’ which Zack suggested I stayed away from if I wanted to live a happy life.

My dad knocked on the door at around 8 pm and asked if we wanted to go out to eat dinner. We all agreed on some Chinese food and around 20 minutes later we were sitting on a table at the dimly lit restaurant. The restaurant had a kind of red glow to it due to the red paper balls with Chinese writing on it that adorned the lights. Zack and I had sat next to each other while my dad sat in front of me. My dad was wearing a baseball cap in an attempt to not get recognized as easily, although it didn’t always work, it was still a pretty good enough distraction from his face.

Dad looked at me concerned. “Are you alright, Cub? You seem a bit warm. Why don’t you take that jumper off, you’re going to melt in this heat.”

I noticed Zack throw a sideways glance at me. It really was getting rather warm but I couldn’t let my dad see the scars on my arms by any means. “I’m fine, dad. It’s not that hot, I’ll take it off if I feel too warm,” I lied.

He gave me a look that read ‘I don’t believe a single word you just said’ but he didn’t press the issue any longer as the food arrived at our table. As we were eating I noticed two of the waitresses whispering to each other and giggling while staring at dad. I rolled my eyes and spoke up without looking at them as to not make it obvious I noticed them staring. “Dad, you got the waitresses’ attention.”

"Huh?" he replied mid bite to his spring roll.

"The two waitresses recognized you and they’re staring right at you."

"Oh just ignore them don’t let it bother you," he replied after swallowing.

I sighed with exasperation and dropped my chopsticks on the plate. I pushed my chair back and got up, heading straight to the restroom. As I walked by the waitresses, I shot them a glare but continued walking. A few short seconds later, Zack walked in after me.

"What’s wrong Jacob? Is it because of the girls?" Zack asked as he approached me.

My nod was restrained as I had my elbows on the sink’s edges and my head was held by my hands. I rose up to look at Zack and finally spoke. “Every single time we go out, someone is staring at me or dad or just us in general. It gets so annoying, we can’t go out anywhere because someone always recognizes him and comes up for an autograph or a picture.”

Zack placed a hand on my back and said, “He’s trying his best, I know it can get annoying and oppressing, but he’s trying hard to make everything right for you.”

I sighed. “I know, I know… It just frustrates me. Let’s go back to the table.”

When we walked out of the restroom, I noticed dad was sitting with his hands covering his face, his plate exactly the same as when I had left.

Zack and I sat down and that’s when he raised his head to look at us. “Can we take this to go and go back home?” I asked.

He nodded and called the waitress over, luckily it wasn’t either of the ones that had recognized him, and asked to get the rest of the food to go. Dad drove back home, Zack sitting on the backseat, while I sat on the passenger’s seat holding the food on my lap. I glanced back at Zack, offering him a sheepish smile, which he replied to by smiling awkwardly. Why the hell does every car ride have to be awkward? I turned back around as dad pulled into the driveway and Zack and I jumped out of the car quickly while dad stayed behind for a bit. As we were walking in, I turned around and I could see my dad miserably resting his head on the steering wheel, his hands gripping it tightly. I frowned looking down at my shoes and walked inside, leaving the door open for him.

Tom’s P.O.V

I let my head bump against the steering wheel as I let out a deep sigh. I could never do anything right for Jacob, I was always messing something up. I have to tell him about moving to America so I can see what his decision is. I had a feeling that he would get angry at me for wanting to move again just when he had made a new friend, this was going to make our relationship worse for sure and I didn’t know how to tell him about the situation. I noticed that Rosanna had left her phone in my car and cursed under my breath. I’d have to take it back to her after dinner. I pulled the keys out of the ignition, got out of the car and walked inside, making sure to lock the door behind me. Placing Rosanna’s phone on the small table next to the door, I could hear Zack and Jacob talking quietly in the dining room.

"Please?" I heard Zack say. "Come on he’s taking long he won’t see."

"Fine," Jacob replied with a sigh.

I raised my eyebrow and walked towards the dining room. As I made my way towards them quietly, I wondered what the hell they were doing that couldn’t be seen by me. What I walked in on makes me stop in my tracks, not knowing if I should just pretend I didn’t see. Jacob and Zack were standing close to each other, my son’s chin slightly raised to meet Zack’s lips. I stood there awkwardly and finally cleared my throat, startling them and making them jump away from each other, both of their faces as red as tomatoes and their eyes avoiding me. I shot them a warning look and said, “Go get the rest of the things and finish setting the table up.”

Jacob nodded and began to walk towards the kitchen, Zack following right after him, embarrassment still tainted on his face. I could hear drawers being opened and a sudden “Ouch!” was heard coming from the kitchen. “I told you he would see, you moron!” I heard Jacob hiss at Zack, who I supposed got smacked by my son. A “Sorry” was murmured and soon after they came back into the dining room holding three individual mantelpieces, cups, and a bottle of soda.

Once we finished eating, they went to Jacob’s room while I stayed in the living room watching TV. After about an hour, I felt my eyes start to close and I fell asleep on the couch, legs hanging off the arm rest and hands cushioning my head.

_I was laying in bed with Rosanna after a few hours of passion. I turned to kiss her slowly and lovingly but when I open my eyes again, it wasn’t Rosanna in front of me. It was Milagros. My eyes widened and I stared into her eyes in disbelief._

_"Milagros? Is it really you?" I asked reaching out to touch her cheek gently._

_She nodded, “Yes Tom, It’s me. I’m back, baby.”_

_As soon as she said that I reached out and pulled her to me and cried from happiness, clutching onto her tightly. “I missed you so much, darling,” I murmured into her ear. I opened my eyes and froze instantly. Rosanna was standing by the door, her eyes full of pain, tears rushing down her face. I pulled away from Milagros and she looked at me confused, then turned around and looked at the door where Rosanna was standing._

_"Tom? Who the hell is she?" Milagros asked me with a scowl on her face._

_"Darling I can explain. I thought you were gone and-" I started to say but she interrupted me._

_"I don’t wanna hear it!" She threw the blankets off herself and got up. She dressed quickly and stormed out of the room._

_"Milagros! Darling, wait! Milagros, come back!" I ran after her, stopping briefly to give Rosanna an apologetic look. She looked away from me, anger and hurt spilling out of her_

_through her tears. I called after my angry wife over and over but she just kept running away from me. I faintly heard my name being called by Rosanna. I was still running and shouting after Milagros, feeling as if every one step I took, she took 20 more._

I woke up suddenly and my eyes met with Rosanna’s. Breathing heavily I came back to reality and registered the pain in her eyes. She straightened up and without a word she stepped away. I realized I had probably been sleep talking, I groaned internally. Fuck. She heard me calling Milagros’ name. I watched her walk away while tucking her phone into her pocket. My brain finally decided to wake up and I jumped up from the couch, rushing after her.

"Rosanna, please. I’m sorry," I said taking hold of her arm.

"Tom it’s fine, you were having a nightmare. I just came to pick up my phone, I’ll be on my way," she said avoiding my gaze and pulled her arm from my hand gently.

"Stay here tonight. Please?" I pleaded. "I need you." Her eyes lit up with anger. Shit. Wrong thing to say.

"Is that all I’m for? Helping you forget about your dead wife?! Fuck you Thomas!" She yelled and stormed to the door. She yanked it open and stepped outside, slamming the door behind her. Second’s after I heard her car’s engine turn on and the car pull out of my drive way. I numbly made my way to my room and plopped down on my bed. I opened the drawer of my bedside table where I kept the picture of Milagros. Out of rage I snatched the picture and threw it across the room, the glass shattering when it hit the wall. Immediately I regretted it and I stood up quickly to pick up the now broken portrait. A large crack ran across Milagros’ face, tears began to fall from my eyes and onto the broken glass of the portrait. I stood up and walked over to my bed, still staring down at my beautiful wife’s face. I climbed into bed and, like all those years before, I clutched the picture to my chest and fell asleep.


End file.
